Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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