i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
