I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
