But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
