Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
