Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
