Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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