Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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