Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
