I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
