got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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