peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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