I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
