why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
