I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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