What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
