It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
