Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
