Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
