guys are not supposed to queef...right?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
