he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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