So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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