You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
