Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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