she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Text me some of your sweat
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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