Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
