The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
