Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
