hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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