a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
