On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
