Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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