Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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