The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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