ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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