just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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