can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
