whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
