clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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