belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
