weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
