I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
