I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's shark week go big or go home
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
