I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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