Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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