whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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