Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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