in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
