He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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