She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
