Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
